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Friday, 20 October 2017

Getting close to the 90 years

And here I come again still hanging in.....

I start this time with something I wrote to day 4-10-17. It just seem to fall at
my feet as I lay in my bed wondering what should I put to paper to get my blog
on its way once again. It started as a poem, then I just let it flow on to turn out
to be whatever it turns out to be. I fully believe in life there is no set purpose for
almost anything in life but getting things done. Why I said almost is because some of us for certain reasons have to hold back, but  won’t go there.

If we could include in our conversations sources of attractiveness that relate to our true feelings, and the true feelings of those we come in contact with without any kind of promises other than a source of goodwill,  we could I believe save a lot of unnecessary
problems in our lives.

Now I will have to pull myself together as I have just moved into a home in Forest Hill on the Shore. It will take me a number of days to get organized and checked over by a doctor which I’m told will do a lot more for me than the doctor did for me in my last home. Can you imagine I asked him what would it cost to have a consolation with a private specialist in regards to hellish problem I was having with my stomach, and he said about $400, so I said I can manage that, would you arrange that for me. Rubbing his chin he said I’ll think about it.
I didn’t see him for a few weeks after that. Then one afternoon he came in and I
asked him did you make that arrangement for me, again he said I’ll think about it. I was feeling so rotten I could have easily exploded, but at the same time I suddenly realised this man had no sense of compassion as far as I was concerned because he never looked with any sense of compassion deep into my eyes. So from life's experience to where I am now, I knew that I would get nowhere with him. I felt like telling him he should read Norman Cousins Autobiography, but I’m fairly sure he would have said, I’ll think about it.

I have received wonderful attention since I arrived a few days ago into this lovely home here in Forrest Hill. It also brings back a lot of lovely memories for me because I used to play tennis from time to time in the courts just down the road from here. I played some of the best tennis I played on those courts. Sadly enough it was on these courts I had to give it up because of arm and shoulder problems at the age of 80. But Thank God I managed to play golf for another four years after I got a few cortisone injections. I’ll try just about anything to keep old age race as long as I can. It was a bit painful at times, but no pain no joy.

I often think to myself how strange life can be about what the future has in store for us human beings. Here I am fortunate enough to be in a private home not far from where I played a game I enjoyed so much, and also enriched by wonderful people that I played with. And now in place which in all probability will see my life out for me. But I have I have a wonderful family, and made many wonderful friends. And I have also traveled to many places that has taken me off that narrow road that so many people lose their way I’m so sorry to have to say.
All ready I am making new friends and sharing all sorts of values with them. Even with my problems I feel a greater sense of richness that I still have more to do with my life. How it will come about is not for me think about, but rather act on whatever is presented to me in the best way I can. And the category that falls into at the moment is my battle with Spark changing my landline over to another Number. Nine times in battle with them and they still haven’t got it right. They tell you when you ring in this call will be used for training purpose,
I can’t in any way see them honestly putting my story in for training purposes,
can you? And I would be very interested to honestly here them do just that. Will
I ever know? I doubt it very much but I’d still like them to tell me honestly why this all happened. And I mean “Honestly.

As I am making preparations for my 90th, and getting settled in here this will be a
short blog, but it has a fair kick in it to pass on a few things that might be of some interest to my fans. And I am very grateful for the views you give me, interested or not.
Please God I will get one or two in before Christmas, and I am hoping to have
some stories from other people have asked me to put something on my blog for them. As I said in my last blog I will put some of my poems in as well.

So till I get going again I hope all is well with as many as possible of you lovely
people, and a prayer to all that things are not going so well for.

Friday, 6 October 2017

Part 8 of my 89 Years

Just a little heeding to you good people out there as regards operations.
I am well aware circumstances differ in many ranges, but I thought I
would run you through a few things I went through that unfortunately
could I believe gone much better if only I had been told about them.
I use to catheterise  myself but  it became too restricted so I got a leg bag
fitted. Then my Surgeon suggested a super cather but unfortunately I was
not fully briefed as to what involved closing to 90 years of age.
Yes, I was told it would more comfortable than having it in my penus but
what I wasn’t told that could possibly be a long leak from my penus, and I
would have to be wearing nappies. I was told that I would be given two
months supply, and that would remain constant. But it didn’t work that
as I found myself using more, then I would have to pay for them out of my
pension. $26 a packet. And the leg bags over twenty. Your are supposed
to change the leg bags every fortnight. Well not changing the leg bags
for two weeks did not seek all that hygienic so I decided to pay exter
and fit one a week. In the States my Surgeon  told me they change
them every day. That I could well believe without making any comment.
The Surgeon said you can ring my secretary and she can supply them at
at good price. That did not impress me.
But I was told that three to six months the water should cease flowing.
Around two years I am still getting leaks. Some quite heavy. But when
there not really interested anymore as it close to my time to leave the
the planet what’s the point of making a fuss of the past as I’m in home
now and am very kindly supplied with what I need.

This is just a kindly warning for people to check as well as they can
before, it’s too late to save them from what could be unnecessary
compilations. I am well aware that surgeons and so forth are under
great pressure, and they provide a wonderful service to humanity,
but please remember they are only human beings at the end of
day. There is no miraculously cures like when Jesus was on earth, and
if we could be told the truth  best as Surgeons and professional can.
 That way we at  at least we can work together a hell of a lot better.
None of us are going to get out of this world alive, so let's live it up as best
we can, and as honest s we can.        
While I’m on the subject I got a letter from the Hospital to attend I
presume to have my waters works checked out. They give you little
details on the form.
Anyway, about four days before I was due to go in the head nurse
in that department rang me in the morning and said there had been a
mix up, there is no need to come. I will ring you a little later and explain
it to you. Well I’m stall waiting. What kind of medical edicts would you
call that I will leave it for you to decide.  

Now while life is still pumping around in me even though I have no idea
for what real purpose,   I may as well drift away and leave it
to The Good Lord to sort it out, because in the end who else but Him can.

Because I knew so little about my Father I thought I would write to the
Wesley College in Dublin to see if they could look through their Archives
to see how he feared at the College. Something to share with my family,
and grandchildren.
Unfortunately my father found the bottle hard to resist, and we had a tough time as a family growing up. I got little or no education as we moved nine times
because Da was not keen on paying the rent, Mind you even though my father gave me a hell of a time I bear no animosity of any kind against him

After getting away from him thanks to the R.A.F. in 1947 I had a wonderful time. I couldn’t get a trade because of my lack of education, but was very grateful to be taken on as fit to apply myself for General Duties.

When I returned home after two and a half years travelling around parts of the
Middle East, and arrived home to be greeted by my family, my was stand at the
front door of a house the family were renting, and I went I went up to my
father and put my arms around him. I could see a few tears in his eyes, and that
was a momentous moment for me. Drink can be any man’s curse, but for the Irish it is something beyond the beyond.

As my my father told me nothing about his growing up years I am looking to see if someone can pull something out of the Archives for a sense of satisfaction I was
denied growing up. As I am not a person who is not inclined to think outside the
scope, but more deeply inside of it. This is the reason why it came to mind to
write to you. The old saying in my days was little boys were to be seen and not heard. What a fallacy that turned out to be.My children and my grandchildren
know as much as they can take in about me. The rest as it occurs to them. Yes, I do use a certain amount of discretion just in case they're not altogether with the ball play. But in most cases they're clever  enough enough to find a way to
pick up my meanings. So I have given them another way of how to express themselves, and that gives them a sense of excitement and good feeling.
That is one of the most important gifts you can give to your children, or anyone
else. A sense of good feeling in themselves.
Amazing things have happened in my life since I left my marriage. And it was only for peace, and to see what I was made of. And that was at 60 years of age. I have written a book about part of my life, and the rest so far I put on my blog. By the way, I’m am not trying to sell anything, just to let you know. Maybe a class might get something out of it. No matter how far you might be left behind
in the raw, a new beginning is always around the corner. Like many others I proved that to myself.
Years ago I was just about always putting myself down and inadequate when it
came to filling in forms and so on. Now I don’t mind telling people I can’t spell
a word if I can't get it on spell check or otherwise would you be would you be kind enough to to help me. I really believe to be honest may put a smudge on your face, but it’s washed a lie away forever.

Now You will need something to go on, so I will give you what details I have in
My father’s name was Major Kanda Robinson. He was born 5-Feb 1894. He became a motor consulting Engineer. He served in the First World War in the R.A.F. but he never told the family anything about it except he was shot down in an Airship patrolling for German Submarines. He came home on leave. While he was home the 1916 rebellion War broke out and he took to driving an ambulance to help the wounded to hospital. I was told that he got the O.B.E.
for helping out. I tried to find about this but deaf ears became the order of the
day. I feel deep in my bones I saw it once, but can’t be sure. Also when he was
drunk he mentioned that he was a champion boxer in some division in your College.

I did did attend your College for a very short period for the simple reason that
my father would not pay the fees. That’s what my mother told me. Mind you
it was very embarrassing for me since I had little or no education. I stood out like a sore thumb. and felt so inadequate. And to add to it my mother said I was
not to attend morning prayers in the hall. Poor mother she like so many others
was so indoctrinated by the Catholic Church at that particular time. Thank God
she died knowing better.
If you can please give me any information I would be very grateful.

My name is Terence F Robinson, but I call myself Terry.
Yours sincerely
Terry F Robinson

that's all I have to offer for this time.
Hope some of you find a thread here
or there that might be useful.
Happy days I pray ahead.

              And Yet Another Part of My 89 Years.
Here is another letter from my from one of my good friends which I will
read part of so that I can open up her side of it to you, and then try and
d add mine with what delicacy.

Dear Terry I’m feeling honoured that you included some of my ramblings
in your blog. I don’t usually preach to the young because I think they have
to learn their own lessons in their time. What adults preach to them
usually goes in one ear and out the other. When I was writing to my cousin
about her lamenting her mother’s loss of day-to-day stuff it seemed as
though the words of advice or consolation were being channelled to me
from deep within. I’m not sure where it came from. I can’t remember my
mother ever offering advice to us children as we grew up, maybe my dad did.
Certainly not either of my grandmothers, so busy with no time to spare for

Psychiatrist say we have an ego and a an ego and a super ego. Some say we’ve got three parts of our thinking- child, adult and parent. When I did a personality
test we discovered that I had a very low super ego. There were no parent voices
telling me what I should do and what I shouldn't do. In other words no one had preached to me me as a child. I’d just grown up with my mind a clean slate and had to form my set of guidelines. I look back on occasions in my life where I
would have benefited from some wise advice. Instead by trial and error, b ut
now I’m not regretting that. I’ve had no brainwashing, either religious or otherwise and for that I am grateful.

The Jehovah’s Witness couple have been coming here off and on for many years.
Mum liked to debate the Bible and the history of the Jews with them. I’ve been
trying to come to some agreement with their beliefs. Last week I think I was nearly there. The man pointed to the fact that the Bible says when we die we die, go back to dust or ashes. I’ve always believed that. I don’t put myself above
the other pieces of the natural world. I’ve always believed that. Then the man
read about the Kingdom of Heaven, this is where it is hard to come to an agreement .
It seems to me that we humans will have a limited time on this planet, through our own folly and sin. Like the forbidden fruit, thou shalt! for example. Everyone of us who eats flesh is guilty, everyone who engages in warfare, everyone who steps on an insect , or catches fish. Perhaps the Buddhists might manage to squeeze through the eye of a needle but not the rest of us. Anyway it seems there’s to be Paradise, and I can imagine a rebirth of some sort when all or most
of the humans have been wiped, with perhaps only a few pacifists and vegans
like the Buddhists left to live in peace, and the land recovering from its misuse,
with forests providing fruit and gardens supplying food and beauty in plenty.

I can’t go along with the idea that God looks like us, either, that we’re in the
image of God. Is God black, white, brown or red? Small like the pygmies, or
over six foot like the boys of today? Dressed as Jesus was, or togged out in
boxer shorts and nothing much else? Every religion seems to have God or
gods and each one depicts him to look like them. He can’t look like them all .
How can He be right for all times and places? My belief is God is the very best
to be found IN US. in the very best like Jesus and the saints and Mahatma Gandhi perhaps Nelson Mandela and even Obama. There must be lots of similarly godly souls in other cultures.

I am sorry to be writing you a sermon but I’m desperate to work out this thing out and maybe you will have some insights to throw into the mixture. I’m feeling very hopeful now, anyway, because I can see that Paradise or the
Kingdom of Heaven is a promise to the human race, of whatever race or colour
and from whatever planet in the universe, that can be reached in time. I don’t
think we’ll be around to see it though. This is a breakthrough for me because I
had always assumed that the human race on this earth was doomed through
its own folly. Now at least I see a glimmer of hope. I even think things have got
so bad over the past decade or two that people are quite shocked to realise
how much evil there is in our human race. Perhaps there will be a turnaround
at some point. Trump might even be the beginning of it. The dark side of the
States is revealing itself and the better side is ashamed to call themselves
Americans. At least there is an awareness brought about by the horrifying
white supremacy revealing itself to the world. .

Americans like to think of themselves as world leaders. They’ve got some work
to do to earn that status. Anyway, I now have faith, something I yearned but could never see possible.

In answer to my friend asking what my feeling were to what she said, I thought for
a while then came up with what follows.
Yes, I am with you that we go back to ashes. But I am more into the Soul. Of all the bits and pieces within me I try to nourish and cherish that most of all. I believe it is the Spirit of everything that will take me to my everlasting place of love and rest. As to how I get there, and what is to follow,I don’t even think about it. It's like when I used to go out and play golf. I try my best
to have a good round, if not I consider how lucky I was to be able to play and take in the beauty all around me, plus the company. What’s to follow I have to
wait and see. For me that is my way of keeping my life simple. i do my best to try and encourage others to enjoy what moments they can, for life I believe is really only lived from one moment to the next. And of course people may not be what you would like them to be, but it’s amazing what they can teach you weak or strong.

And what does it matter whether God looks like us or not. Sometimes men go
overboard reading the Bible. If they took the trouble to read well below the lines they could have kept themselves out of trouble, and others too.
I’ve had a few gentle run inns with with such people, but left them with a few new ways of looking at things. Mind you I have also been given a few tips myself. life is very much a two way street. And we either miss each other, or find
each other. That way we can grow together like we’ve never grown before.
Whatever God looks like in my way of thing has to be Paradise itself.
When you really come to think of it, God’s universe is in perfect balance in
which the circle of life is maintained and all things remain relatively. And you can tell the Jehovah’s if you see them again that they shouldn’t imagine life and
death as far as we know is only confined to our shiny planet. Throughout God’s universe stars and planets are dying while others are springing forth from great
clouds of dust, But when all comes to all in truth, everything about these subjects is far too complex and too vast to comprehend.
I would like to make a suggestion. Next time The Jehovah's call try a new technique with them. Ask them not to preach God, but something about their
growing up. How their minds worked as children. How they got on honestly with their families. And and anything that brainwashing had no part of just like
the things you adapted yourself too. The Catholic Church tried that on me, now
look at me. Free to follow what love I can develope so I can share it with others.
That’s the simplistic teaching that the Bible holds for me.

I am going to finish off this blog with a loving tribute to my Son Bernard. he is
in Italy at the moment with his loving wife Fenella have a well relaxed holiday
after his tough run Mont Blanc run. I will spell out an article written by Philip
Chandler of the Kawe Purongo Queenstown newspaper.

Talk about a game of two halves. That was the Arrowtown ultra-runner Bernard
Robinson’s experience during the gruelling 170 kilometre-long Ultra Trail du Mont blanc in the European Alps early this month.
The 54-year old had wanted to brake 30 hours for the race-which starts and finishes in Chamonix, France, and also passes through Italy and Switzerland- after finishing in about 30hr 50min in 2014.
However, over the first 14 hours, he suffered stomach problems and couldn’t
hold down food or water. “Races are challenging enough but this made it near impossible.
“I had no strength and was constantly being passed by other competitors.
Coming into the 90km mark, Robinson had resigned himself to pulling the pin.
But after a couple of croissants and a gentle push from his wife, Fenella, he had
enough to go on to the next climb.
“I was back at race pace again but still nervous about my stomach  problems so
I kept eating to a minimum. He was forced to forsake his aim of breaking 38 hours.
Instead he tried to beat his 2014 time for each stage over the second half. He managed that convincingly, passing about 450 runners to finish in 31hr 34min.
“It's hard to describe the dark spaces you go into on these races, but the euphoria of coming out the other side is electric. This was one race I will not forget.

I don’t think I need say anymore about my Son’s love to challenge what presents itself to him with a great sense of devotion and all the trimmings that go with it. I am one very proud dad, and have an outstanding love for everything he makes possible to better his life with. And I must mention his wife
Fenella. That’s the kind of a lady any man would be proud to have by his side.
And I must say to all you that ran that ran that race, and finished wherever well done, I admire you.

Well that’s enough excitement for me for now. Next time around I will be throwing a few poems and whatever comes to me. My Good friend Patrick
O’Reilly who puts up my blogs for me is on a sad mission at the moment. His Father passed away in Ireland so my deep thoughts and love are with him and family.