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Saturday, 18 February 2017

Part 4 of my 89 Years

Since I am a soul that keeps wandering back and forth I try not to
enter or leave by the same route. I well know that I can’t go back
physically, but that holds no barrier to me doing it mentally. I’m quite
many of you have picked up on this by now.
As I like to be alert as I can possibly be, fully knowing that I only get
the one shot at life, I Find switching backwards and gives me a deeper
insight into some of the things I have missed. The mind can change so
rapidly in a really short space of time in either direction. And, as I am
person who needs the truth spelt out, be it hurtful to myself or others,
It gives us a greater sense of satisfaction to continue life's journey with
a greater sense of enthusiasm. No need to keep looking back over
your shoulder, as long as the honesty is in place. Not easy I agree
at times.

Well the truth of the matter at the moment for me me is that I got
knocked off my pedestal over a week ago with my ongoing stomach
problem, so I had to spend four days in hospital.
Now the doctors and nurses are wonderful people, and the food was
top of the bill as far as I was concerned, but without going into the pros
and cons of the four days I was there, all I can say is “God was I so
happy to be home.
Anyway it has given me a lot of experience that at a later date I will
share with you. I need to take things in before my valuation of them.

I am going to keep my blog short this time due to my health problems,
but it should have an impact for those it may encircle.
I received this letter from a very dear friend of mine, and will share it
with you. I won’t mention any names, just let story fit in wherever it’s
meant too.

Dear Friend,
Your letter was so rich with the wisdom of your years, and the love of humanity
in your heart that I feel humbled by it, hardly knowing how to respond.
Thank you indeed for sending me a copy of your letter to the Pope’s communicator.
You have given it a lot of thought, trust and love I can see. I admire you for
letting the cause of your writing drop in favour of appreciating how the close
contact with His Holiness has helped heal your wounded heart.
   And I admire your resolve to unearth hidden family complexities. These family
matters are never simple. I have found there are layers of misunderstanding and
misjudgements. And another thing I found when I landed in the same situation as
you find yourself in now is that the fewer words I exchange with my daughter  the
better. Least said, soonest mended. There was one major reason for the rift between
us and that was her state of mind, which was twisting this way and that way by
an unhappy domestic scene. A secondary reason involved my husband, his lack of
consideration for our daughter's privacy. And to a lesser extent I added to this by
my ill-considered good intentions. My daughter needed privacy and time to sort
herself out as she was obviously feeling hemmed in. You may find that some of
these causes may fit your situation. It takes two to tango, as they say, and we can
so easily enter someone’s personal space with the best of intentions.
When people speak of mid-life crises they speak from experience. As, mothers when
our child-minding years are more or less over we are left with a big gap. We need to
find another compelling reason for our existence. When partner and children are
gone the gap is even worse. You are fortunate that you have always had music
to feed your soul. I have found writing a blessing, the writing itself for the way
it has helped me get my past life into perspective, to be able to see it written
down and come to terms with it, and the love it has brought me through my
writing friends. I should have been a lone soul indeed without it and them, and
Yes, we have learned to live with our limitations, knowing we have lived a long
and full life and can expect a few spanners in the works these days. My eyes
are on the way out with macular degeneration. I will probably have the second
eye cataract removed to help with the fuzziness. I don’t fret over losing most
of my sight. Thankful I can zoom my computer screen up to easily read what
I have written. And the wonderful thing is that as I forget names and
events I can pick them up again from my stories. And I imagine it is the
same for you with your book on line and your blogs and poems and songs on
compact discs. So long as we can still hear music  we’ll be happy, don’t you think?
My friend and home-help is taking me to a guitar concert in Howick on Thursday,
I love classical guitar and will be interested to hear the guitarist’s other work.
And my daughter has booked us in for a jazz festival  in Clevedon at the end of
February. It’s to be a Birthday treat. I’m in luck.
Our writing group has dwindled down to just one university student and me.
We’ll keep going to encourage each other and other members will hopefully turn
up when all the summer activities come to a close. Last year several people came
and never returned. We couldn’t understand why, but since I’ve thought about it,
I believe they may have been overwhelmed hearing what we were doing. It was
nothing to us, but to someone hoping to begin writing hearing that the writers in
the group had written plays, T.V. scripts, a novel, and published poems and
stories, they could well feel the group was not for them.

When prospective members come along this year we should ask them what they
would like to do and encourage them without saying much about what we’ve done.
I enjoy reading what people write about their lives. Especially older people who’ve
done a lot and experienced life’s ups and downs. I’d enjoy helping people write their
life’s stories to leave for their families. I’ve learned a few lessons from you along the
way. You’ll know what I mean. So long as people can express themselves in their
own way and be understood it is all good.
I haven’t responded to all of your letter, I’m afraid,
but I’d better say good bye for now and God bless.  

I believe there is a lot of medium keyed wisdom in that letter for
those who  feel it’s message. And I am not referring to the kind
complements that was offered to me.
So God willing till next time I reach out to you, look deep within
yourselves for answers that no one else can give you.